“You can’t even taste it, you just need to have one on your burger for the crunch.”
“No, I hate pickles, I don’t want one on my burger.”
“Have you specifically tried a burger pickle before? It’s different.”
“No. And I’m not going to.”
“Just TRY IT!”
Look, I’m an opinionated person. Truth is, if you don’t like pickles on your burgers, you’re seriously wasting a perfectly good life.
Okay, so I’m exaggerating SLIGHTLY. The above convo, which took place on a date, wasn’t really a huge argument. We’d known each other for awhile and were mostly just playacting. Neither of us was really invested in the outcome. That doesn’t change the fact that I really did want her to get pickles on her burger.
On some level, whenever there’s a disagreement, we ALWAYS want to win. It’s probably some survival instinct we built up over millions of years of evolution. I’m sure if I did any actual research, there’d be something that says this. Animals are usually horribly maimed or die when they lose disagreements. So it makes sense we never want to lose.
Nowadays most arguments don’t end so bloodily. That doesn’t stop our ego though. Often, when our opinions are disputed, we puff up like an allergic child exposed to a peanut farm. I’ve been particularly guilty of this at various times. Hell, some athletes make Hall of Fame careers off of slights to their ego, real or perceived.
This same ego-trap happens to comedic improvisers on stage. If you go to a lot of improv shows, especially student or amateur ones, you’ll see a lot of arguments. So many arguments that it’ll make your most toxic relationship look tame by comparison. In improv, whole workshops are dedicated to getting people to do scenes with literally any other emotional variety.
The reason why we default to this in scenes is simple: arguing is a simple way to create conflict. In a scene, conflict is an easy way to make things interesting, adding tension, drama, and stakes.
Equally important is resolving it.
You see, even in a fake scene, our bodies still want to win. The animal part of our brain doesn’t really understand the difference between our real lives and the manufactured ones on stage. It just knows it wants to come out on top. This is why you’ll often see scenes with beginner improvisers that go back and forth, like two rabid raccoons fighting over a half-eaten blueberry muffin, until animal control (the show’s host) is finally forced to call the end.
I’m not gonna sit here and pretend to be an argument counselor. I can, however, tell you the solution to this problem in improv. One person needs to give in. Make your partner shine and let them win the argument. Come together, resolve the conflict, and the scene will usually find a conclusion rather quickly. Improvisers who can diagnose these problems mid-scene and give in to solve them are selfless and their scenes are better for it.
Identifying these tendencies becomes easier with practice. After doing hundreds of improv scenes, what I’ve found is that things start to slow down. It becomes easier to have the back half of my brain pick up on the conflict and quickly find a resolution that will make sense. Even now, there are times where I’m so invested that I don’t recognize what’s happening until after a scene is over.
It’s easier said than done. More practice always helps.
It’s a muscle that has to be worked on over time, since it goes against our nature. That same muscle, like many improv techniques, translates well to our real lives. I’d imagine that most of us have argued vehemently for something before, only to later realize it wasn’t worth arguing about at all.
This technique could be your reset switch. If done intentionally over time, there’s a whole lot of smaller arguments that can be forgotten about simply by giving in. Practice recognizing when this tendency is cropping up and you can then practice giving in. It will get easier. If you stick with it, It might just reduce your stress, blood pressure, and give you happier relationships with those in your life. All things which sound pretty worth the effort.
Never budge on the pickles though. They MUST go on every burger.
3 Funny Things
1 - Text Vs. Call
If you’ve ever been in a group of people, waiting for the last person to arrive at a restaurant, you’ve undoubtedly had this conversation. Or at work trying to contact a VIP who you’re a bit intimidated by. Or just in a situation where you’re trying to actively avoid any possible unpleasant interaction.
2 - Testing the Waters
It’s hard to tell if you’re going to like a new person after you meet them. Emerging friendships don’t come with questionnaires. So here to help is this handy list of subtle hints and cues to determine the compatibility of the other person. Be sure to master the squint - it’s integral to correctly processing the information being given by the other person.
3 - Just Let Go
Sometimes the best solution is also the simplest. This is just a fun stand-up bit with a great curveball thrown in.
I hope you enjoyed this edition of Finding Wit’s End! If so, please consider subscribing. I send out my hilarity-filled ramblings every Wednesday in an attempt to brighten up your week.