Introducing Three Funny Things

A format change and non-article article

May 31, 2023

This week I’m introducing a newsletter format change! So exciting, just look at that exclamation point.

For a second, I considered copying HBO’s streaming name change. I figured I could match the “Max” and just call this “Wit”. Then I put in one additional second, realized their changes suck (the app barely works), and decided against that.

My primary goal here at Finding Wit’s End is to make you laugh. So in addition to my own writing, I’m going to start including three funny things I come across each week. These could be articles, videos, TikToks, Tweets or anything else I found funny. That way, if a particular article I write isn’t your fancy, I am still giving you the gift of laughter and a smile.

The weekly articles are definitely continuing. I will, for sure, have one every single week, without fail. I can’t imagine ever falling short of that simple, elegant goal for any reason whatsoever. Since this is free, it’s quite possibly the most bang for your buck you’ll ever get. This is very much an experiment as well - I could pivot at any moment. So enjoy it while it lasts.

I haven’t thought of a clever name for it yet, so for now it’s just Three Funny Things. Check it out now.

Three Funny Things

1 - Do you know the Melon Man?

Channel this dude’s energy this summer (Credit: Reddit)

Summer is starting. Watermelon is on sale. Take your leftover watermelon rinds, get out the bungee cords to prop them up, and be somebody. Stop settling for less - it’s time to live your best life. And honestly, this dude might have the secret.

2 - Twelve Minutes on Peanut Butter

This is just a 12-minute bit on peanut butter from Greg Warren. I know that’s long. I promise it’s worth it. I definitely have very strong opinions on a variety of foods - peanut butter should be no exception. If you enjoyed the start of the Oatmeal Wars a few weeks ago, you’ll enjoy this routine too.

3 - The Whopper = Joe Thomas

It’s only as I begin to write this section that I realize all three choices this week involve food. Must’ve been hungry all week. Here’s the humble Whopper, which I’m calling the Joe Thomas of the burger world. Been in the game for years, lauded as one of the greats at his position, just can’t get the help he needs. Sides at BK are so inconsistent. It’s a shame that talent with such name recognition is wasting away.

Uhhhh, this is the spot where an article would be. You didn’t get lost looking for it. I know my most rabid fans probably scrolled right here looking for it. I made a lot of promises up top but…

SURPRISE! That was just some clever comedic foreshadowing. I didn’t write shit. Even these very words are getting thrown together right before the deadline.

Listen, the writing cohort I was in ended last week and it was a three-day weekend. I took a break. The cohort is what inspired this whole thing but it’s been an intense five weeks of classes, writing, editing, and publishing. I felt a break was warranted and since I’m my own boss here, I gave myself one.

This gives you another week to mentally prepare as well. I no longer have the course editors to give me feedback, so going forward you’ll be getting the full, uncensored Rick Writing Experience you’ve been dreaming of. That’s right - gazing at a crude drawing of my asshole and listening to an unhinged rant about Chocolate Chip Cookies was the buttoned-up, suit and tie version of me.

They say the first key of writing is consistency though, so that’s what this is now. Hell, this is basically an article. Over three hundred words. There’s five paragraphs so far and I’m even going to write a sixth. I doubt you really need any more - your attention span is already shortened by our modern societal smartphone addiction.

This is it. This is the coveted sixth paragraph. Six is all you really need of anything. Plates, pillows, dollars - do you really need more than six of any of those? I highly doubt it. It takes more than one hand to count to six - it’s biologically predetermined to be enough. That’s probably why they sell beer in six packs. Hell, it’s only one letter away from being sex. What a fantastic number. Maybe if society stopped being so greedy and just settled at six of something, we’d all be in a better place.

(Although, I do highly recommend having sex more than six times)