Relaunching Finding Wit's End 2.0

Like A Phoenix Rising From The Stovetop

🎶Guess who’s back? Back again? Rick is back. Tell a friend. Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back…🎶

Heyyyyy. Did you miss me? Think about me every day? Long to see my byline at the top of your inbox? Or did you forget about me completely? Put me out of your memory like a bad relationship? Secretly hope you'd never hear from me again?

Whether your dreams or nightmares have come true, I'm happy to see everyone again!

2024 was a wild one. I continued a rocky recovery from a hernia surgery and injured ankle, exited a long-term relationship that wasn't working, got hit by a car, re-entered the dating scene (ugh), almost relaunched this newsletter twice, went through a roller coaster of mental health ups and downs, and somehow still found time to get twelve different haircuts.

Despite not publishing anything, I managed to network enough to get my subscriber count from 41 all the way to 100. Triple digits. I did this mostly by joining a writing group on Substack where I hardly ever attended live sessions and by guilting friends into signing up on my birthday. True professional writer activities.

Remember: In this recipe, a little bit of guilt goes a long way.

All of this means that the majority of people here are receiving their first email ever from me. To refresh your memory, this is a plucky little humor newsletter where I share personal stories, satire, and other comedic writing. For those familiar with the way things were before, I've made a few changes to the frequency and format going forward.

I'm going to publish this newsletter twice per month to start. Every other week on Wednesdays. The goal here is to set a sustainable pace and keep quality high. Long-time subscribers will recall a "Funny Things" column that I also did. I am putting that on hold for the time being to focus on the writing.

To that end, I've already written a fair amount of articles and have more in the works. For once, I am AHEAD of my publishing schedule, rather than scrambling weekly. Here's a preview of some upcoming pieces:

As Seen On Dating Apps

Modern dating is Thunderdome, the Fury Road, and the Roman Gladiatorial Arena all rolled into one. If you're out there, you know; if you've been off the market for a long time, buckle up. We're going to dive in from my online profile creation, initial observations of the scene, and my experience regaining my atrophied dating sea legs. From coffee meetups to speed dating, we'll be covering the full modern dating experience. I even have a series logo:

I also commissioned a newsletter logo. This place is now so that the Secretary of State has no choice but to acknowledge us as an independent nation..

Personal Essays

Humorous stories from across my life, now featuring extra emotional vulnerability because I've...grown as a person? We'll take a look at my awful networking encounters, run through what it's like to work in the news industry during a Category 5 hurricane, and even put my journalism degree to use launching an investigation into a mysterious company. What kind of shady activities are they up to? You'll have to stay tuned to find out.

Satire

Satirical, off-the-wall, and unhinged. It’s one of my favorite categories to write and trust me - you’ll know it when you see it. We'll hear from common kitchen appliances, attend a press conference hosted by the Dark Lord, and finally exact some revenge on these greedy streaming companies.

Rising Like A Phoenix From The Stovetop

This is a big relaunch of the entire Finding Wit’s End brand. In addition to writing, I may also dabble in other mediums like audio and video. Both are so hot right now, and I want to be hot too. I plan to make the article voiceover above a weekly feature. If you’re an audio person, there’s usually a few little performance nuggets I can throw in that just don’t work on the written page.

If you're here, I hope you'll stick around. I'm excited to build a community together and share some laughs and stories with each other. We're a tenuous 100 strong now but I am hopeful that things will only grow from here.

Remember: If just one person leaves, I'll be back to double digits and all the other writers will make fun of me. There are some major bullies in the cafeteria. Don't support bullies. We also can't forget that my aforementioned ex is still on this mailing list. I figure I've got at least 50/50 odds she unsubscribes right now. Or already did at the beginning.

So if you have a friend who might enjoy this, there’s never a better time to bring them aboard to offset the potential losses. I made this fancy button JUST so you can share this post:

Liking, commenting and sharing a piece are the BEST ways to support the publication. It helps improve visibility on the Substack network and I truly appreciate every single one!

Comment Prompts

1. How the hell is everyone?

2. Are your plans for 2025 going well so far?

3. Is there a particular teaser from up above you’re looking forward to reading?

4. Say one dark truth you’ve been hiding from everyone in your life. Or anything else you please. This is an equal opportunity comment section.