I’m tired of living under tyranny. I’m tired of suffering in silence. I’m tired of faking my belief just to survive. I’m tired of pretending chocolate chip cookies are the best. They’re not. Never have been. It is time to rebel. It is time they were overthrown. It is time for them to be cast down from the Cookie Throne and a new King anointed. The reigning monarch, Chocarius the XIV, is pretentious, arrogant. He presumes it is his birthright to rule over all he sees. The black stains left upon the teeth of his subjects reflect the darkness in his very soul. They mark only the start of the litany of crimes under his repressive rule.
I've been living under the rule of Chocarius my entire life. But if there's one cookie to crown as the next ruler of my tastebuds, it's the sweet & slightly spicy Queen Snickerdoodle 👸🏼
"Nothing can stop the Rise of the Raisin." 🤣
I've been living under the rule of Chocarius my entire life. But if there's one cookie to crown as the next ruler of my tastebuds, it's the sweet & slightly spicy Queen Snickerdoodle 👸🏼
hahah love it!
So you choose war!
This is fucking amazing.
Hands down one of the funniest essays I've read in a while. Going to recommend it in my Substack next week! :)
Any piece that contains the phrase "oatmealy thighs" is ok by me.